Do you know that feeling in your stomach when you’re about to go over a big hill on a rollercoaster? When your belly feels like it’s lifting into your chest? That’s how I feel when I meet a boy that I like.
I’ve been exploring men out here on my own. It has been kind of messy and wild, but I’m figuring out what I want.
Queasy, Sleazy, Doesn’t Text Back
I woke up to these texts from a guy a week after we stopped seeing each other. Prince charming.
It didn’t bother me that he booty called me at 2am on a Sunday night. It bothered me that he responded like a jerk when I told him I didn’t want to have sex with him anymore. We stopped talking completely.
I’ve tested the water with other guys, too:
- I went on a date with a handsome scientist, but he’s doesn’t text back regularly and is kind of self-deprecating. Where is the self-love?
- Another guy ghosted me after our first date. I thought he might be dead, but I ran into him at Buzzmill on open mic night drugged up and dazed.
- I have a crush on a beautiful man who doesn’t feel the same way for me. My gut understands, but my head and my heart have colluded to overrule the instinct. It’s brutal. I’ve been persistent, but he stays distant. If I’m being totally honest, he’s got half the city hurting for him. How do I kill such a strong desire?
Drunk Girl Wisdom
One night, on a smokey bar patio, I asked a new friend what she does when a guy she likes doesn’t respond to her.
“Listen. The bar is here,” she said, placing her hand flat in the air at her chest.
“If a guy doesn’t respond to me in the same way I would expect a best friend to respond, I cut him loose and move on. We live in a huge city. Guys are a dime-a-dozen. I don’t waste time on the ones who don’t show up.”
She was spot on.
Don’t waste time on the ones who don’t show up.
It can feel like torture when we don’t receive attention back from the people we like. I know that I’ve ignored my fair share of guys, but that’s the nature of things. There is only one of us. We should be selective about who we share intimacy with, lest we end up with rude guys who want to be fisted because they’re desperate for fulfillment. We should be with people who light us up.
I also think that we shouldn’t take all of it too seriously. Let relationships flow. When they don’t flow, let them go.
Yes, we want to be loved. Yes, we want to be affirmed. When we don’t feel like we receive those things, we suffer. I’ve had plenty of ice cream nights on the couch in my underwear, feeling sorry for myself and sad because I was alone. Don’t get trapped on that wavelength.
Love also exists outside of desire, lust, possession, and sex. My experience says that it does more fruitfully so.
Affirmation is your responsibility. You create your reality. Don’t wait for someone outside of you to validate your existence.
I’m gonna keep moving forward and see what happens. I miss the electric feel of kissing a lover and the comfort of sleeping close to someone. Sometimes, I really worry that I’m not gonna find romantic love again, but it’s silly to worry like that.
Believe that if you really desire love, it will come to you.